Table of Contents
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Self-Acceptance is Self-Compassion. You need to accept who you are and be happy with that person. If you are constantly beating yourself up about trivial things, you will never accept yourself completely. While there are occasions where you need to be self-critical, most of the time you should focus on using self-compassion.
There was a book written several years ago called, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. The idea behind the book is people are constantly confronted with minor items they have to deal with. If we let these small items get to us, how can we be prepared for the more important and bigger items?
One great way towards self-compassion is to celebrate your strengths. Everyone has strengths. Perhaps you are good at diffusing tense situations. You are not fond of having to do this, but most people come to you because of your talent at it. You also need to accept what you are not good at. Despite all your efforts, there are going to be situations or skills that you simply don’t grasp.
Acceptance does not mean settling. Don’t let others bully you into believing that you don’t have certain capabilities. You know what you are capable of, and you alone should make that determination. Sometimes, the fact that they don’t believe in you can be a strong force in making something work. However, don’t let them put you down to the point where you don’t even try. If you do, then they win.
Have Self-Compassion for Your Own Failures
If you don’t fail at something, it probably means you haven’t tried. Either that, or you chose something that was too easy to accomplish, and you got it right the first time. If you continually look for the easy way, you may not be living up to your full potential. Eventually, you are going to be confronted with something you find difficult to accomplish, and you may even fail at it.
Most people look down on their failures and consider themselves losers. They look at the profiles of successful people and think that only those people are good enough to make things happen. What they don’t see, is the failures all of those successful people went through before experiencing their successes. View failure as a gift. It is something you can use to figure out what went wrong. When you observe your steps, you may find that it was just a minor flaw in what you attempted.
Of course, you need to hold the belief that what you want to accomplish is possible. Otherwise, you will keep failing over and over again and never arrive at a solution. But, if you are confident what you want to achieve can happen, then stop at nothing to make it so. This is what makes people successful, each and every time.
If there is any formula for success, it can all be boiled down to an unwavering belief in the possibility of the project happening. You should never put yourself down for failing. In fact, you should expect it and embrace it.
It’s sad when others don’t have the self-compassion for failure. These people try once or twice and then give up thinking whatever they were trying to accomplish is not meant to be. If only they gave it a few more thousand or so tries.
Stop Holding on to Regret
Focusing on your regrets is using up energy unnecessarily. It can also be a source of stress. The worst part is, there is no way to change it.
If you concentrate your energies on the present, you won’t have time to focus on the past. Use regrets only as learning experiences, i.e., what you promise yourself you won’t do in the future. But that should be all regrets are used for. No more dwelling. Just pure refocusing of energy to productive use.
Sometimes, past experiences can have a way of creeping back into your life, even if you have been successful at keeping them at bay. If this should happen, try to find ways to downplay them. Always, move forward in life. That is the key.
One final thought, it’s equally important not to focus too strongly on the future, either. While planning for the future is a good idea, you still want to have an enjoyable life right now. Some people put everything off to be ready for a future they may never see.
All You Need Is Love
This was a very popular song by the 1960’s super band, The Beatles. The chorus would repeat the lyrics, “All you need is love. Love is all you need.” The message of the song was loud and clear, the title says it all. And being loved by others is a wonderful feeling. More importantly, you should use this song as inspiration to love yourself. While the intention of the song was not solely for the purpose of finding your inner love, there were hints of it by the lyrics, “Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.”
It doesn’t even need to be a song. It could be a poem or some other art form. Maybe it is something you create that can help remind you to love yourself. You deserve it just like anyone else. Find some way to give yourself that inspiration.
The more you confirm that you deserve your self-compassion or self-love, the stronger your confidence will become. Once that happens, you can accomplish anything you desire. Whatever was holding you back will no longer be an issue. You will take on challenges better than you ever have before. In turn, it will make you a happier person and those who you know will recognize it as well. As you can see, all you needed was love.
You Are a Person Too!
Yes, you are a person, of course. But, since you are a person, why can’t you treat yourself the way you treat others? The assumption here is that you treat others well. If not, you need to work on that.
If you do treat others well, why are they more deserving of that treatment than you? You can’t truly treat people well if you are not treating yourself in the same fashion. You may be able to pretend for a little while, but, as people get to know you better, they will see the shield that you create for yourself.
Make an effort to be that person worthy of your own self-compassion. You will become a better person, which in turn, will give you the tools needed to be that way for others. It will be genuine, and others will pick up on that.
Make it about stepping outside your comfort zone, especially if you have not had compassion for yourself in the past. It may feel strange when making the change, and you may feel like you don’t deserve it, but you do.
Try to find inspiration for your self-compassion from others who may experience the same. You will instinctively know who these people are. You will find that others always want to be around that person. When you start to take on that trait, you too will likely have people wanting to be with you. While this is a good situation, you will need to prepare yourself for it as it will take some getting used to.
When you find others who seem to have self-compassion, pay attention to how they behave. What kinds of words do they use? Are they always helping others and cheerful? Chances are good they are. Inside, they are reaffirming the compassion for themselves, and it will come through in their passion for others. In the end, everyone benefits when you have a great feeling about yourself.
Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?
We live in a negative world. Turn on the news for any major metropolitan area and you will see daily stories of tragedies. Several years ago, a television station tried to broadcast only good news. The show was a flop. People expect news to be bad.
This is a large reason why we are hard on ourselves and lack self-compassion. Society trains us to think with a negative spin. Our parents teach us to be cautious which we interpret as don’t trust anyone. This is an immediate bias whenever we meet someone new.
We can also be hard on ourselves because we fear the outcome if we aren’t. If we get our hopes up too high, we’ll be shattered when we are wrong. You do things at work because you know if you don’t your boss may come down hard on you. These fears are very strong and are central to how many of us were raised as kids. This is not to say our parents were bad for doing this. They were taught to be that way by their parents.
Is there a way to reverse this process and stop being so hard on ourselves? It is not easy but, it’s not impossible either. It’s going to require a shift in your thought processes. Anytime you feel a negative thought stirring, make an effort to turn it into something positive.
Who Cares What Others Think About You?
You find out at work that someone was talking smack about you. It was something you did that made them talk behind your back and word got back to you about it. You confront the person which leads to an argument. The person denies saying anything about you which leaves you in a position of accusing the person of lying.
This situation happens often. It can be at work or in your personal life. Here’s a question to ask yourself, why should you care what other people think about you? Are you happy with yourself and who you’ve become? If so, it doesn’t really matter what others are thinking.
Of course, if you are not happy with yourself, and you are engaging in improper behaviors towards others, this could be the reason for their dismay towards you. In this case, they could be justified in those thoughts. If this is the case, you may want to pay attention to what is being said about you and use it as a way to help improve yourself.
On the other hand, if you are content with yourself, realize that people are going to talk about you. Those same people are not just talking about you. They tend to be the gossips of the group and will talk about anyone given the opportunity. You can’t take these people seriously, and you certainly shouldn’t take it personally.
Your true friends will accept who you are and not try to change you. It’s why you became friends in the first place. Sometimes, they won’t appreciate certain things you do or say, but if they are good friends, they will talk to you. Keep an open mind and consider what they have to say before reacting. This is not to say they are always correct. But when they are you should acknowledge it and make changes if need be.
Top Tips for Building Your Self-Compassion
Living in a negative world makes it hard to love yourself. You are constantly being bombarded with bad news or information that just doesn’t fit for staying positive. These tips can help you turn it around and start to love yourself.
1. Consider the 24-hour cost of disliking yourself
Every day, you are given 24 hours. At least five or six of those hours are spent sleeping. That leaves approximately 18 hours for you to either love yourself or not. If you spend most of the time disliking yourself and putting yourself down, you essentially have wasted that time.
2. When you love yourself, others will be more willing to love you too
Love is a positive emotion. Therefore, when you project love, it comes back to you. The same is true when you project negativity. It will come right back to you. Since the choice is yours, why not choose positivity and love?
3. Stay away from people who are negative
These people drain your positive energy to the point where you become like them over time. Think back to anyone who you view as negative. What benefits do they serve to you from their negative behavior? You won’t come up with any. People who are critical of you either don’t understand who you are or are going through issues of their own. You should ignore these people. Be aware that this is different than your boss giving you constructive criticism at work.
4. Focus most of your energy on the present
It’s the only time frame you have some control over. The past cannot be changed, and the future hasn’t happened. People dwell on both of these time frames and lose sight of living for the present moment.
5. You are the only person that can love yourself the majority of the time
Your parents and family love you. However, they have their own lives to live. While they may support you, and be there for you, they cannot do this every second of the day. You have to be the one who does it when they are not around. If you can do it while they are not there, why not do it when they are there as well?
6. You may be cutting yourself off from opportunities if you don’t love yourself
It’s about projecting the right kind of message to others. Your body language and your actions reflect how you feel about yourself. People pick up on this even at a subconscious level. If you give off a negative vibe, others may not consider you for a promotion or other opportunities.
7. To love yourself, start by liking yourself
Give yourself permission to do so. Start by accepting your faults, but committing to change what you can (and what you want). Make changes you feel changes are needed.
The process of transforming yourself is going to take time. Don’t rush it. You need to reinforce positive messages within yourself and do it frequently. Over time, the positive thoughts will take center stage and push the negative ones out, or at least, make them less prevalent.
Don’t get discouraged if you revert to your old ways when trying to develop self-compassion. The old habits have been ingrained in you for a long time. These habits are going to take some time to break. Keep an open mind and know that better days will come for you. Don’t be afraid of the changes.
It All Starts With You!
